hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
