It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
