Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
