Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
