Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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