Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
