Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
