I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
