Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have aggressive nipples.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
