I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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