I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
