Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
