Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
