There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
