Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
