Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
this will be a night to untag.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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