I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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