If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
