you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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