Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
