as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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