I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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