id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
stop calling my apartment porn island.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
why do cheetos always look like penises
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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