It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
