I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
