I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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