Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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