Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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