He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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