i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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