do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
