You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
