I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
