This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
