The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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