I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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