I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
be right there i have to get my cape
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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