like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
