Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
