why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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