Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
