I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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