Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think I sprained my soul last night
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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