I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
