Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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