omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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