We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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