When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
