he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
