my phone needs a breathalizer
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hippo gnu deer
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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