How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
