hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You need Xanax blowdarts
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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