you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
