I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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