Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
